Introducing: Grammar in the News

It's not often that grammar has the opportunity to help bring down corrupt government officials, so when it does, we take notice. In this article about the impeachment of Iran's Interior Minister, Ali Kordan, note the important role played by grammar and spelling:

Kordan's resume was questioned during his confirmation debate in August, when several lawmakers argued he was unqualified for the post and claimed his Oxford degree was a fake. He was approved by a relatively slim margin, reflecting those concerns.

He supported the degree's authenticity providing a certificate, dated June 2000 and imprinted with an Oxford seal. But the document, written in English, was riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes.

It was only after Oxford denied awarding him an honorary doctorate of law that Kordan admitted the degree was not real.

Let this be a lesson to you all. When you are laying the groundwork for your own corrupt political careers, make sure your document forger is up to snuff. We can't help you with a recommendation, and apparently, neither can Mr. Kordan. However, we would like to suggest that if your political platform has an anti-Western plank, you might consider selecting an institution other than the most prominent university in the Western world as the grantor of your imaginary honorary degree.

This has been Grammar in the News. Good night, and good God, use the spell-check button.

Introducing: Unpardonable Products

Now that the Christmas shopping gorge has concluded, we would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new category that is particularly product-related. Unpardonable Products are those whose product names involve such outrageous assaults on the English language that they ought never to be purchased by a grammar-loving individual, as a matter of principle if nothing else. Help us send a message to the companies producing these products that such egregious violations of grammatical taste will not be tolerated!

We are grateful to be able to do our part in encouraging responsible consumption.

What's wrong with this picture?

Many thanks to Christina W, who submitted this photograph for our review.

It's almost a shame to pick on this sign as it seems so clearly to be the product of a non-native English speaker. In that spirit, we're introducing a kinder, gentler subcategory: Totally Giggleworthy. We're not going to pick on the glaring spelling mistake or the AutoCorrect Syndrome-type error. However, we can't resist posting the photograph because it's so completely, well, giggleworthy.

If the stress of your work day gets to be too much for you, we suggest bookmarking this page. Please, take a mental vacation on us to a world where only the people who help rock stars into and out of their clothes between songs can use the facilities.

Introducing: Oldies But Goodies

Oldies But Goodies are defined as the sort of proverbial grammar mistakes involving homonyms, homophones, and homographs*: than vs. then, affect vs. effect, they're/their/there, you're/your, two/too/to, etc. The abundance of word wonkiness is just one of the quirks that makes the English language so darn magical. These classics will never go out of style; they are the golden oldies on The Grammar Wall of Shame's playlist.

It should be noted that these violations merit a much higher punishment because they involve absolute fundamentals; anyone calling herself a professional writer/editor should have these rules long since memorized.

*For a good explanation of the difference between homonyms, homophones, and homographs, click here.

Note - this post has been corrected. The Oldies But Goodies were originally grouped together as homonyms, the generally accepted categorization for these types of words; however, in the interest of precision, we have included the more specific categorizations, homophone and homograph.

Introducing: Fake ID Patrol

You'll be ticketed by the Fake ID Patrol if we catch you trying to masquerade as something you're clearly not.

Specific examples of Fake ID violations include the following:
- a dependent clause caught attempting to pass for a full-grown sentence
- an adjective caught attempting to pass for an adverb
- Notre Dame caught attempting to pass for a national title-contending football team

Introducing: Drunken Proofreading

Drunken Proofreading is a pretty simple concept. Pretty much every item that qualifies for this blog involves some degree of Drunken Proofreading because every one of these grammar mistakes should have been caught by a proofreader/editor before the copy went out. But they're not, so we get to have fun. Drunken Proofreading items can run the gamut from a simple spelling mistake to what we call AutoCorrect Syndrome (where the word that appears is an actual word but is clearly not the word that the author intended to appear), or it can be something as dramatic as the egregious violation of several grammar rules simultaneously. Here's the rating guide:

Drunken Proofreading rating guide:
* (one star) - Taking a little nip now and then. What? It's been a stressful day!
** (two stars) - Had one too many beers at lunch! What? You say I'm not supposed to drink on my lunch break?
*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.
**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.
***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?