An Oldie but Goodie from The Christian Science Monitor

Picture us, if you will, standing in front of The Christian Science Monitor, arms akimbo, one hip popped, and a horrified look on our face. If we were inclined to such phrases, the words that would fall from our disbelieving lips might sound something like, "Oh. No. You. Didn't." If we weren't so stunned, paralyzed even, we would be perilously close to tears.

What, you ask, could inspire such a reaction? The following sentence, which appeared in the Monitor's article, "Obama and Lee Myung-bak both condemn North Korea":

And then, 28 minutes after their appearance began, the two president's walked out of the Rose Garden and down the colonnade to the residence for lunch, followed by a long line of male aides in dark blue suits and a lonely female aide in a summery white outfit.

While we recognize that this line appeared in the Vote Blog, which some might consider to be a less grammatically and punctuationally demanding medium than, say, a more traditional news article, we do not believe that blog authors for "award-winning international news organizations" can be excused for not knowing that under no circumstances whatsoever should an apostrophe be used to denote a plural noun. In fact, to put a very fine point on it, we do not believe that any writer in the English language who has completed a secondary education can be excused for violating such a simple and essential principle of punctuation. Perhaps you think we are too hard, too dictatorial, too merciless. Perhaps we do not care.

For this egregious violation, we hereby award The Christian Science Monitor a We Are (Almost) Speechless, an Oops, Is my Lazy Showing?, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?

A Late Thanksgiving Treat

We're so thankful that we came across this sentence about The Moonstone's Franklin Blake in Jerome Meckier's Hidden Rivalries in Victorian Fiction: Dickens, Realism, and Revaluation:

His resolve not to deny or cuddle his subconscious self is a display of moral superiority over Pip as well as Ablewhite. (p. 143, emphasis ours)

We do not know how, precisely, one would cuddle one's subconscious self, but we suspect that in our present cultural moment, some clever feel-good psychoanalyst somewhere has found a way to do just that.  We would suggest that you skip the costly therapy and simply read the sentence above to yourself when you're blue.  It makes us feel pretty good, if we do say so ourselves.

For this error, we award Mr. Meckier and his editors at The University Press of Kentucky (for shame!) an Oops! Is my Lazy Showing?, a Totally Giggleworthy, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Contest alert!

We discovered such a high number of errors in this AP article, titled, "Return to $1 gas? Energy prices evaporate," that we decided to share the fun with all of you.

Like every contest, this one has rules.  Here they are:

1.  Read the article and identify the number of grammatical errors it contains.

2.  Grammatical errors in quoted speech cannot be counted towards the total.

3.  Submit your answers via email to grammarsnark@gmail.com.  Your answers should identify the locations of the errors you find; however, you do not have to provide explanations  if you do not wish to do so.

4.  Contest deadline: December 12, 2008 at 11:59 p.m.

5.  The winner will receive a special (non-cash) prize.

We reserve the right to make final determinations on what may be considered an error.

Ready?  GO!

Forbes.com Phones It In

The writing and editing staffmembers at Forbes.com are responsible for something truly special in their recent article, "American Autos Worth Saving and Writing Off."  They have written a sentence so mind-bendingly bizarre that it almost defies comment -- not in a shocking, We Are (Almost) Speechless kind of way (which category was created in response to egregious errors from sources whose very natures require impeccable proofreading standards, like dictionaries).  Rather, this sentence is so spectacularly flawed that it is difficult to know where to start.  See for yourself:

Unfortunately, Chrysler--nor Ford or GM for that matter--have the luxury of such missteps and are now fighting for survival.

We have here a situation where there are words missing, multiple subject/verb disagreements, and questionable construction. We would add emphasis to highlight the problematic elements, but we don't know where to start.  Something tragic must have happened to the editor. Something tragic certainly happened to the sentence.

For this stunning stumble, we are awarding Forbes.com a Phoning It In with Distinction, an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing?, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?

Oh, for shame!

We discovered this unhappy error in a Reuters article titled, "Qaeda's Zawahri urges attacks on 'criminal' America":

The audio recording was accompanied by visuals including a picture of Obama wearing a yamaka. (emphasis ours)

We suggest that, in the future, Reuters editors consider reading with their eyes rather than their ears.  When reading with one's ears, yamaka could easily seem to be the appropriate word for this sentence.  However, an editor's eyes would reveal (it is to be hoped) the difference between Yamaka, the sixth of seven texts in the collection of sacred Sanskrit writings known as the Pali Abhidhamma Pitaka, and yarmulke, the skullcap worn by Jewish males, mainly those of the Conservative and Orthodox variety, during prayer or religious study.  As Jon Stewart has humorously observed, it's not a Jew beanie; we suppose that "holy Sanskrit text" also numbers among the things a yarmulke is, most decidedly, not.

For this auditory erratum, Reuters is awarded an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing?, a Phoning It In, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.

Indecent Exposure at College Football News

Avert your eyes, readers, if you can.  We've caught College Football News with their lazy just hanging out for all to see.

In the latest issue of its weekly Fearless Predictions, College Football News makes the following statement:

"Cal and USC have just one loss in conference play, meaning the winner in the Coliseum becomes the Rose Bowl and the loser is likely out of the race." (emphasis ours)

While we agree that the Rose Bowl is a venerable and praiseworthy institution in the college football kingdom, we find it hard to believe that either team would or could be transformed into a stadium seating 100,000 by virtue of a Saturday victory, pomp and tradition notwithstanding.

As with all instances of indecent exposure, this occurrence produces a mixture of shame and amusement for the viewer--a tendency to guffaw as well as blush.  For this reason, College Football News has earned a Totally Giggleworthy and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Introducing: Grammar in the News

It's not often that grammar has the opportunity to help bring down corrupt government officials, so when it does, we take notice. In this article about the impeachment of Iran's Interior Minister, Ali Kordan, note the important role played by grammar and spelling:

Kordan's resume was questioned during his confirmation debate in August, when several lawmakers argued he was unqualified for the post and claimed his Oxford degree was a fake. He was approved by a relatively slim margin, reflecting those concerns.

He supported the degree's authenticity providing a certificate, dated June 2000 and imprinted with an Oxford seal. But the document, written in English, was riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes.

It was only after Oxford denied awarding him an honorary doctorate of law that Kordan admitted the degree was not real.

Let this be a lesson to you all. When you are laying the groundwork for your own corrupt political careers, make sure your document forger is up to snuff. We can't help you with a recommendation, and apparently, neither can Mr. Kordan. However, we would like to suggest that if your political platform has an anti-Western plank, you might consider selecting an institution other than the most prominent university in the Western world as the grantor of your imaginary honorary degree.

This has been Grammar in the News. Good night, and good God, use the spell-check button.

With sincerest gratitude

We have many dedicated readers, some of whom are clearly more committed to reading than we are to writing. 

As a way of saying thank you, we are presenting each of you with this image:

Call it a sticker, if you like.  

Bring this sticker to the Grammar Wall of Shame location nearest you for a free semicolonoscopy, compliments of the editors.

Have a wonderful day.

Our protracted absence

We have received some rather vociferous complaints about the lack of recent additions to The Grammar Wall of Shame. Rather than respond to each of you one by one, we would like to release the following statement through our publicist.

"Due to an unfortunate shark hunting accident, the editors of The Grammar Wall of Shame are completely without fingers. As you can imagine, the difficulties of typing or manipulating a mouse are really the least of their problems. Please respect their privacy during this very trying time."

Now don't you feel bad for being so bratty? This statement is completely untrue; nevertheless, it is far more interesting than the actual reason for the lack of posts. You may expect updates in the near future.

Simply too, too!

We are beside ourselves. Behold the following "Middle America" entry from the Thesaurus.com application on Dictionary.com, which cites the 2008 edition of Roget's New Millennium Thesaurus as its source:

Main Entry: Middle America
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: general populice
Synonyms: bourgeoisie, silent majority, subtopia, suburbia, the burbs

Perhaps, like us, you realize that it is unconscionable for a dictionary to have a spelling error, even if said dictionary is online (although it should be noted that Dictionary.com purports to draw from, and rigorously cites, renowned published dictionaries). Perhaps, this discovery has shaken you to your very foundations and you find yourself wondering aloud, "If one cannot trust the dictionary, whom can one trust?" Rest assured, dear readers, when all else fails, The Grammar Wall of Shame will not let you down.

This is only the second offense in The Grammar Wall of Shame's history to merit the designation, We Are (Almost) Speechless. If it pleases you to replay in your mind the scene from Mary Poppins where Mr. Banks is thrown out of the bank, substituting Dictionary.com for Mr. Banks, please do so.

Who but the AP?

We came across this surprising slip-up in an AP article on FoxSports.com titled, "Zednik awake after surgery on severed artery":

"Attending surgeon Sonya Noor said there were no initial signs of brain damage, which is a fear whenever the coratid artery is clamped."

Some readers might be tripped up by what they perceive to be a spelling error; however, we at The Grammar Wall of Shame can only stand in wonder at the marvels of modern medical-metaphysical mastery, wherein doctors can perform elaborate surgeries on body parts that do not exist. We're not sure which degree program prepares eager young minds for such feats, but it sounds...challenging. Is challenging the word we're looking for?

For this error, the AP is awarded a C for Creative Spelling and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.

It's that time of year again!

We found this example of AutoCorrect Syndrome in an article titled, "Romney suspends presidential campaign":

"He then told the crowd he disagrees with McCain on a number of issues, but that he'd given the mater a lot of thought and if he fought on all the way to the Republican convention, 'I forestall the launch of a national campaign and frankly I'd be making it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win.'"

Breaking news from the AP: Mitt Romney really loves his mother. We find that to be very moving, although we fail to see what she has to do with the campaign. Wait, is something Manchurian going on here? Somebody check the location of Angela Lansbury.

For this little slip-up, we hereby award the AP an Oops! Is my lazy showing?, a Totally Giggleworthy, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Unpardonable Product: Safeway

We won't even touch the question of whether such an item would be palatable to the taste buds; it's unpalatable to the discriminating mind, and that's enough for us. We beg you, do the world a favor and find another low-guilt ice cream to satisfy your craving.

Introducing: Unpardonable Products

Now that the Christmas shopping gorge has concluded, we would like to take this opportunity to introduce a new category that is particularly product-related. Unpardonable Products are those whose product names involve such outrageous assaults on the English language that they ought never to be purchased by a grammar-loving individual, as a matter of principle if nothing else. Help us send a message to the companies producing these products that such egregious violations of grammatical taste will not be tolerated!

We are grateful to be able to do our part in encouraging responsible consumption.

The AP: Too good to resist!

We are having a hard time keeping ourselves from laughing out loud at this error, which we found in an AP article titled, "Sources: Mitchell Report to name MVPs, All-Stars, won't address amphetamines":

"The Web site cited an unidentifried source close to the trainer."

We confess, we are not exerting ourselves very strenuously to keep from laughing; we are mostly just laughing inappropriately and getting some strange looks from the gentleman refilling the vending machine. We are aware that this error is likely due to the fact that the writer was rushing to break a story about baseball steroid use (snore); nonetheless, um, spell check? Anyone?

The AP earns a Totally Giggleworthy, C for Creative Spelling, an Oops! Is my lazy showing? and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish water bottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Good Times at The American Interest

We came across the following error in an otherwise excellent piece in The American Interest titled, "On Forgetting the Obvious":

"A non-warrior democracy with a limited appetite for casualties is probably a good thing in terms of putting the breaks on a directionless war strategy."

This homographic hiccup is almost cute, really. Breaks, brakes--tee hee*. We would almost rather consider it as an invitation to The Grammar Wall of Shame - a private challenge between The American Interest and us. Well done, mesdames et messieurs. Challenge accepted and met.

Nevertheless, The American Interest has earned itself an Oops! Is my Lazy Showing? and the following Drunken Proofreading Rating:

*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.


*It must be stated that in the interest of accuracy, and recognizing that we too can err in these matters, we did some research to make certain that this usage was indeed incorrect. While there are many and varied uses of the word break, we have now satisfied ourselves that this usage is improper, although we must confess that, after reading 122 definitions and uses, the word break no longer looks like a word at all. We invite you to read for yourself.

Wall Street Journal Hi-Jinks

We found this poorly punctuated gem in a WSJ.com article titled, "On Mileage, Car Makers Offer a Hybrid Message":

"Auto makers contend tougher regulations won't necessarily get Americans to switch to more fuel-efficient vehicles, and point to American's love for their trucks."

The Wall Street Journal might be a new dog in these parts, but this is an old trick: noun-possessive pronoun disagreement. The responsible parties got it right with Americans in the first clause, but it appears that the challenge of making a plural noun possessive was their undoing in the second clause. All of a sudden, we're thrown into confusion. Are we talking about a number of Americans or one person named American? If only one person, whose trucks does he or she love? The auto makers' trucks? The trucks of the Americans referred to in the first clause? (Not to be confused with our friend, American.) And why does this have such an effect on the lobbying policies of the auto makers? With the misplacement of one little apostrophe before an s instead of after it, witness the resulting chaos.

With this apocalyptic mis-apostrophe, the Wall Street Journal earns an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing? and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.

What's Wrong With This Picture: Cardinal and Gold Edition

Although we have a particular fondness for the University of Southern California due to a familial connection, our unwavering sense of justice impels us to publish this item. In addition, we cannot resist the irony of a sign welcoming scholarship recipients that prominently features a spelling error. We have little more to say on this matter; we believe it speaks for itself. Spend a few moments pondering and we believe you'll see what we mean. 'Fess up. You've got a smile on your face.

This error merits the following awards:

- What's Wrong With This Picture?
- C for Creative Spelling
- Oops! Is My Lazy Showing?

This error also earns the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish water bottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

A Tasty Treat from MSNBC.com

In honor of Thanksgiving, which is less than a week away, we invite you to feast yourselves on the following delicious headline, which we found on MSNBC.com: "Where did all the Zune's go?"

We know that you, discriminating reader, are easily able to identify the error in this headline. It is not you, but the simpleton sitting next to you, that we address. Dear simpleton, dear charming dolt; you, who cannot remember that a word is pluralized in English with the addition of an s (and in some cases es) and made possessive with the addition of 's--and never the other way around--you give the American character its particular tang. You, and whoever is responsible for the publication of this headline.

It should be noted that this is an AP article; however, the headline appears to have been created by the good folks at MSNBC.com. (For example, the articles on the AP and Yahoo websites are both titled, "Zune 80 in short supply.") Thus, we declare the AP to be fully absolved in this matter; further, in the spirit of goodwill and charity inspired by Thanksgiving, we hereby grant the AP one (1) Get Out of Snark Free card. The next time we catch the AP napping (which will likely be next Thursday, about 30 minutes after dinner concludes), we will keep it to ourselves. However, we feel obliged to make an example of MSNBC.com (Thanksgiving is after all a sort of Puritan holiday), so we will award them with an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing? and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?

What's Wrong with This Picture: Special Video Edition

Here's a special video edition of What's Wrong with this Picture, brought to you by Mexicana Airlines. This commercial was shown on Saturday, October 27, 2007, on Fox Sports West in the mid-afternoon time slot.

**3:25 p.m. Note - we are currently experiencing technical difficulties with the video. Please be patient. We have been informed by YouTube that some monkeys are working on the problem.**

**3:49 p.m. Problem fixed! We believe. Thank you, monkeys.**

**Saturday, November 17, 2007, Update: Apparently YouTube was highly offended by Mexicana's error and has pulled the video content from its site. We say apparently because they did not offer us any explanation at all, so we are forced to draw our own conclusions. They do not seem to have the same sense of humor about these things that we do.**



Here's a still photo too, just for laughs:



Resisting the urge to rant and rave about all the problems in the world a simple spell-check can prevent, we have spent some time trying to dream up how this special spelling error occurred. Here are some of our ideas:

- "Fligth" is a new term created by Mexicana's promotions department to reward passengers taking their eighth flight this year. It is pronounced flyd-th (like heighth).

- The commercial is in actuality a secret message being sent from Max to 99 in conjunction with the search for the Tequila Mockingbird.

- Those crafty ad folks at Mexicana were trying to garner a spot on The Grammar Wall of Shame in the misguided belief that all publicity is good publicity. (To clarify, this belief is misguided only because they fail to realize that a spot on The Grammar Wall of Shame is actually equivalent to no publicity at all.)

While any of these options is a possibility, this spelling screw-up is most likely the result of an astonishing lack of effort and initiative on the part of a member or members of the professional writing world. Thus, you witness the birth of a new designation for this type of error: Phoning It In. In addition to being the first recipient of this designation, Mexicana Airlines has earned a C for Creative Spelling, an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.