An Oldie but Goodie from The Christian Science Monitor

Picture us, if you will, standing in front of The Christian Science Monitor, arms akimbo, one hip popped, and a horrified look on our face. If we were inclined to such phrases, the words that would fall from our disbelieving lips might sound something like, "Oh. No. You. Didn't." If we weren't so stunned, paralyzed even, we would be perilously close to tears.

What, you ask, could inspire such a reaction? The following sentence, which appeared in the Monitor's article, "Obama and Lee Myung-bak both condemn North Korea":

And then, 28 minutes after their appearance began, the two president's walked out of the Rose Garden and down the colonnade to the residence for lunch, followed by a long line of male aides in dark blue suits and a lonely female aide in a summery white outfit.

While we recognize that this line appeared in the Vote Blog, which some might consider to be a less grammatically and punctuationally demanding medium than, say, a more traditional news article, we do not believe that blog authors for "award-winning international news organizations" can be excused for not knowing that under no circumstances whatsoever should an apostrophe be used to denote a plural noun. In fact, to put a very fine point on it, we do not believe that any writer in the English language who has completed a secondary education can be excused for violating such a simple and essential principle of punctuation. Perhaps you think we are too hard, too dictatorial, too merciless. Perhaps we do not care.

For this egregious violation, we hereby award The Christian Science Monitor a We Are (Almost) Speechless, an Oops, Is my Lazy Showing?, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?

A Late Thanksgiving Treat

We're so thankful that we came across this sentence about The Moonstone's Franklin Blake in Jerome Meckier's Hidden Rivalries in Victorian Fiction: Dickens, Realism, and Revaluation:

His resolve not to deny or cuddle his subconscious self is a display of moral superiority over Pip as well as Ablewhite. (p. 143, emphasis ours)

We do not know how, precisely, one would cuddle one's subconscious self, but we suspect that in our present cultural moment, some clever feel-good psychoanalyst somewhere has found a way to do just that.  We would suggest that you skip the costly therapy and simply read the sentence above to yourself when you're blue.  It makes us feel pretty good, if we do say so ourselves.

For this error, we award Mr. Meckier and his editors at The University Press of Kentucky (for shame!) an Oops! Is my Lazy Showing?, a Totally Giggleworthy, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Contest alert!

We discovered such a high number of errors in this AP article, titled, "Return to $1 gas? Energy prices evaporate," that we decided to share the fun with all of you.

Like every contest, this one has rules.  Here they are:

1.  Read the article and identify the number of grammatical errors it contains.

2.  Grammatical errors in quoted speech cannot be counted towards the total.

3.  Submit your answers via email to grammarsnark@gmail.com.  Your answers should identify the locations of the errors you find; however, you do not have to provide explanations  if you do not wish to do so.

4.  Contest deadline: December 12, 2008 at 11:59 p.m.

5.  The winner will receive a special (non-cash) prize.

We reserve the right to make final determinations on what may be considered an error.

Ready?  GO!

Forbes.com Phones It In

The writing and editing staffmembers at Forbes.com are responsible for something truly special in their recent article, "American Autos Worth Saving and Writing Off."  They have written a sentence so mind-bendingly bizarre that it almost defies comment -- not in a shocking, We Are (Almost) Speechless kind of way (which category was created in response to egregious errors from sources whose very natures require impeccable proofreading standards, like dictionaries).  Rather, this sentence is so spectacularly flawed that it is difficult to know where to start.  See for yourself:

Unfortunately, Chrysler--nor Ford or GM for that matter--have the luxury of such missteps and are now fighting for survival.

We have here a situation where there are words missing, multiple subject/verb disagreements, and questionable construction. We would add emphasis to highlight the problematic elements, but we don't know where to start.  Something tragic must have happened to the editor. Something tragic certainly happened to the sentence.

For this stunning stumble, we are awarding Forbes.com a Phoning It In with Distinction, an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing?, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

***** (five stars) - Whaaahhaa? Whodrankshaaallllthershcotch?

Oh, for shame!

We discovered this unhappy error in a Reuters article titled, "Qaeda's Zawahri urges attacks on 'criminal' America":

The audio recording was accompanied by visuals including a picture of Obama wearing a yamaka. (emphasis ours)

We suggest that, in the future, Reuters editors consider reading with their eyes rather than their ears.  When reading with one's ears, yamaka could easily seem to be the appropriate word for this sentence.  However, an editor's eyes would reveal (it is to be hoped) the difference between Yamaka, the sixth of seven texts in the collection of sacred Sanskrit writings known as the Pali Abhidhamma Pitaka, and yarmulke, the skullcap worn by Jewish males, mainly those of the Conservative and Orthodox variety, during prayer or religious study.  As Jon Stewart has humorously observed, it's not a Jew beanie; we suppose that "holy Sanskrit text" also numbers among the things a yarmulke is, most decidedly, not.

For this auditory erratum, Reuters is awarded an Oops! Is My Lazy Showing?, a Phoning It In, and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

*** (three stars) - I needed a shot just to look myself in the mirror this morning.

Indecent Exposure at College Football News

Avert your eyes, readers, if you can.  We've caught College Football News with their lazy just hanging out for all to see.

In the latest issue of its weekly Fearless Predictions, College Football News makes the following statement:

"Cal and USC have just one loss in conference play, meaning the winner in the Coliseum becomes the Rose Bowl and the loser is likely out of the race." (emphasis ours)

While we agree that the Rose Bowl is a venerable and praiseworthy institution in the college football kingdom, we find it hard to believe that either team would or could be transformed into a stadium seating 100,000 by virtue of a Saturday victory, pomp and tradition notwithstanding.

As with all instances of indecent exposure, this occurrence produces a mixture of shame and amusement for the viewer--a tendency to guffaw as well as blush.  For this reason, College Football News has earned a Totally Giggleworthy and the following Drunken Proofreading rating:

**** (four stars) - Yesh, I take thish waterbottle everywhere I go. It'sh water. No, you can't have any.

Introducing: Grammar in the News

It's not often that grammar has the opportunity to help bring down corrupt government officials, so when it does, we take notice. In this article about the impeachment of Iran's Interior Minister, Ali Kordan, note the important role played by grammar and spelling:

Kordan's resume was questioned during his confirmation debate in August, when several lawmakers argued he was unqualified for the post and claimed his Oxford degree was a fake. He was approved by a relatively slim margin, reflecting those concerns.

He supported the degree's authenticity providing a certificate, dated June 2000 and imprinted with an Oxford seal. But the document, written in English, was riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes.

It was only after Oxford denied awarding him an honorary doctorate of law that Kordan admitted the degree was not real.

Let this be a lesson to you all. When you are laying the groundwork for your own corrupt political careers, make sure your document forger is up to snuff. We can't help you with a recommendation, and apparently, neither can Mr. Kordan. However, we would like to suggest that if your political platform has an anti-Western plank, you might consider selecting an institution other than the most prominent university in the Western world as the grantor of your imaginary honorary degree.

This has been Grammar in the News. Good night, and good God, use the spell-check button.